Man seeking woman

I was thinking how wierd it is that a lot of the guys I know are not with women that match them to a tee. Yeah, opposites attract (or so they say) but you have to have something in common. So I thought I would do personal ads, as I see it, for some of the guys. For the few of you that know these guys, it will be pretty damn funny. At least I think so.

Start with TJ
Man seeking white woman (or Asian boy). MUST look good in a Confederate Flag shirt or bandana, be able to can and pickle food and listen to Country music older than dirt. Memberships to the Pabst Blue Ribbon club and Fainting Goat Assn a plus. I also like to shoot endangered species with a shot gun from mom's hot tub while drunk and protecting my heard of $3 Ginnies (sp?).

Erik
Man seeking dark complected woman with brown eyes and long, straight, brown hair like Pocahontas. MUST be able to tolerate a house full of feathers and antlers, live up to the Cherokee tradition and be able to re-fill an ice tray. I also like my women in leather or naked or a combination thereof. Wait till you see me tin shower, you'll be mad. I am a card-carrying Indian (until someone busts me out) so I get discounts at Mohegan Sun Casino and don't have to pay tax on tobacco. Send me a smoke signal if interested.

Richard
Man seeking a woman that looks like a man or another man that is very discreet. I am the boss and will make you love being my underling. I have been known to have an "accident" or two, so if I shit myself you can not scream "Sufferin Suckotash". Otherwise; I like short walks, watching my buddies get some and sucking toes. Call me, xoxoxoxo.

Sam
I was in Iraq for 18 months and really don't give a shit. Somebody wanna give me some? ALL applications are accepted, no matter how big or crazy you might be!!!

And lastly...The Minute Man (although a minute may be way too much credit)
Man seeking another trio of young, hot, college athletes for a 4-some, 3-some, 2-some...whatever. I passed on my opportunity for the historical quad, couldn't bring myself to engage in the 3-some... but I am ready now. Just get naked again and see. It will be the fastest, no I didn't mean fastest, the best 30 seconds of your life!!

(I am on Tasha's puter and it won't let me spell check so sorry if I am a dumbass)