World record

If you don't fish, don't read this because you won't get the point. The largemouth bass is the most often fished quarry in every lake across America. The world record, which has stood for decades, is about 22 1/4 pounds. Many thought it would never be broken.

A guy fishing a small lake in San Diego County caught a fish that would have shattered the world record Monday morning. He sees the fish on a bed getting ready to spawn, pitches a jig and hooks her under the mouth near the gill plate. There are witnesses on the boat and on a nearby dock. Once the fish was landed, they go to the dock to weigh the fish.

If this fish is a new world record it is worth at least $1 million in advertising and endorsements. They see that the fish is not hooked in the mouth and assume it nullifies a legal catch. So they video the weighing of the fish on a digital scale, see that she weighs over 25 pounds and release her. Yes, release her.

Because she wasn't hooked in the mouth? Shit, I could pass a polygraph if I needed to. That's a legal catch if I hang her and the last place she is going is back in the lake, right after the Game and Fish Commission come get her, measure her, weigh her on certified scales and notify the World that I am the man.

What did I catch her on? Let you know tomorrow, right after I call the manufacturers of the clothes and shoes I was wearing at the time, the sunglasses, the sunscreen, the ball cap, the pliers I had on my side, the boat I may have been fishing out of, powered by the trolling motor and big motor on the boat, guided by the electronics, using a certain rod, reel, line, hook, weight, lure and attractant (which came out of a sturdy tackle box), and landed her in a certain brand of trusty net while smoking a brand of cigarettes and drinking a beer.

Every fisherman's quest is for the big one. A world record is epidemic and the last thing you do is just let her go on a technicality, what a dumb ass!!