Political unrest

Sorry guys but I have to get up on my soapbox today and vent for a minute.

I have known and continue to learn that local politics are biased, hypocritical and have no true bearing on reality. Unfortunately, it affects us all and there isn't much that we can do about.

Cases in point;
Look at several local sheriff races and/or prosecutor races for next month's elections. In Clark County we have races in both. The encumbant prosecutor has a well-known reputation for being hard on convicts. Don't blame him though, the juries have been much harsher. It is an ideal situation for police officers, well... those of us with a lick of sense. There are officers that are voting for his opponent because the current prosecutor, "doesn't do anything" to convicts. His opponent is running on the platform that he is too hard on people. Is that not stupid?
The shriff's race is equally easy to pick. The current Chief Deputy who has about a billion training hours, has ultimately run the office for years, is an expert witness in virtually every field, trains not only police but forensics analysts and, by far, is the most qualified person on the Planet to be sheriff. His opponent has been in and out of law enforcement and, although he is a nice guy, has no experience in management, little training and qualifies less than I do to be sheriff. But he has a strong family name and numerous people in the community are going to vote for him simply because they know his family. That is absolutely insane, it's an election for the premier law enforcement officer for the county, not the high school popularity contest.

State politics have been just as frustrating for me. My job and the livelihood of the DTF are dependent on Federal and State grant monies and there is a group of people in Little Rock that have the sole authority to award or deny our funding. These freaking idiots are challenged every year with deciding who gets what amount of money and for what reasons. Worse yet, they lie about funding every time you talk to them about it. They have no idea what they are doing. They told us last year that the more active units would get more funding, lie. They said we would get the same amount of State funding regardless of Federal cuts, lie. They said units that were not productive would get cut totally, lie. They said the application process would be competative and the information in the application would be considered, lie. They funded pretty much everyone that asked for money and cut everyone a uniform amount, which damn near shut me down. This year? Well, so far they said that larger cities (who can afford to operate without additional funding) woudl get cut, lie. They said rural areas, such as ours, would get at least the same amount as last year, lie. They have three proposed funding equations, each of which cut us another 20, 38 or 44%.

I would just assume be kicked in the nuts than be lied to. Especially about this, the lives of six officers and their families ride on this decision. Moreso, without a DTF in this area, there will not be effective enforcement, which means the drug problem gets worse, not better. They meet today at State Police Headquarters to discuss the proposed cuts and funding. I expect around 3:30 today I will know the unfortunate fate of the DTF and will likely show my ass (again) to the State Drug Director.

I don't know what it costs to bond out of jail on a disordely conduct charge, but I think it would be money well spent. Be careful who you vote for, Huckabe is solely responsible for my changing of political parties. And he is entertaining a run for the presidency? Get the hell out of here!! He has pardoned more people out of prison than all of the governors of all of the surrounding States combined, and does so without explanation. He has appointed people to serve on boards and committees to manage millions of dollars and they don't know what they are doing. Yeah, he lost a lot of weight, he ran a marathon, so what? Sign an endorcement deal with Subway or Weight Watchers, but get the hell out of office. It's our fault, you know, for voting him into office in the first place.

Strip clubs

Whoever came up with the concept of titty bars tapped into the most fundamental of Freudian philosophies. Except Freud would probably have you looking at your mom naked...oohh, just made myself sick!!

Back to the point. Think about it for a second... what do guys want? To look at gorgeous women, naked, fantasizing about being picked out of a crowd of other guys by the aforementioned naked chick, to have an all-nighter with her and few of her equally hot and equally naked fiends. As if that would ever happen. At least they're naked and dancing.

Guys actually lie to their spouces about where they are going and/or where they have been. Why??? Because she will get mad? That's even more profound. Why in the world would she get mad? Ladies, let me state the obvious. He will go out with the guys, throw dollar bills at naked chicks and come home horny (cause' he aint gettin' laid). Well, not unless he pays for it on the way home.

You can't get mad at him for wanting to look at naked women. If so, don't let him watch porn, look at Playboy or undress your sister with his eyes at the next family reunion. Ok, if he looks at your sister that way slap the piss out of him. But titty bars are no threat. He is more likely to pick up a one-night stand at the library.

I have only been to a few and have had a blast each time. Take all your friends, especially the quiet ones, kick back and watch. It is hillarious to watch grown men lose their minds over some tits in their face. And ladies, given the opportunity, go with them. I have never seen a woman in a titty bar that didn't also enjoy it.

The bottom line is that guys should not lie to the gals about where they are going or where they have been. The glitter, sweet perfume and soft powder is too hard to explain otherwise. In fact, it screams, "I just had sex with a stranger", when all you have to do is tell the truth and the explaination would be self-evident. Ladies, let them go if they want to, it is the safest bar in town and I promise if they say they are going to the titty bar, that's exactly where they'll be.

Man seeking woman

I was thinking how wierd it is that a lot of the guys I know are not with women that match them to a tee. Yeah, opposites attract (or so they say) but you have to have something in common. So I thought I would do personal ads, as I see it, for some of the guys. For the few of you that know these guys, it will be pretty damn funny. At least I think so.

Start with TJ
Man seeking white woman (or Asian boy). MUST look good in a Confederate Flag shirt or bandana, be able to can and pickle food and listen to Country music older than dirt. Memberships to the Pabst Blue Ribbon club and Fainting Goat Assn a plus. I also like to shoot endangered species with a shot gun from mom's hot tub while drunk and protecting my heard of $3 Ginnies (sp?).

Erik
Man seeking dark complected woman with brown eyes and long, straight, brown hair like Pocahontas. MUST be able to tolerate a house full of feathers and antlers, live up to the Cherokee tradition and be able to re-fill an ice tray. I also like my women in leather or naked or a combination thereof. Wait till you see me tin shower, you'll be mad. I am a card-carrying Indian (until someone busts me out) so I get discounts at Mohegan Sun Casino and don't have to pay tax on tobacco. Send me a smoke signal if interested.

Richard
Man seeking a woman that looks like a man or another man that is very discreet. I am the boss and will make you love being my underling. I have been known to have an "accident" or two, so if I shit myself you can not scream "Sufferin Suckotash". Otherwise; I like short walks, watching my buddies get some and sucking toes. Call me, xoxoxoxo.

Sam
I was in Iraq for 18 months and really don't give a shit. Somebody wanna give me some? ALL applications are accepted, no matter how big or crazy you might be!!!

And lastly...The Minute Man (although a minute may be way too much credit)
Man seeking another trio of young, hot, college athletes for a 4-some, 3-some, 2-some...whatever. I passed on my opportunity for the historical quad, couldn't bring myself to engage in the 3-some... but I am ready now. Just get naked again and see. It will be the fastest, no I didn't mean fastest, the best 30 seconds of your life!!

(I am on Tasha's puter and it won't let me spell check so sorry if I am a dumbass)

The move is done (well almost) and what a change

I am back with the wife and kids and what a change it has been for all of us. Tasha, for example, has forfeited half of her small bed and half of all of her closet space, a single drawer in the bathroom and now has to deal with me on a daily basis.

The girls begged for me to move in and now I have. Bless their hearts. There isn't much argument or debate when I am here, not to say that Tasha doesn't handle her own, there just isn't much room for debate team training when I am here. Now, they make a good stand, but we are the law. Now, don't get me wrong... when they are told to do something I don't expect them to get into a three-point stance and run for the gold like Carl Lewis, but they are expected to do what they are told before the big hand on the clock moves more than twice.

And we can't forget Tuke. He has taken it like a champ, so far, but he hates being inside. He does try to dismantle the house every time we leave, and we will let him out eventually, but we don't want him to get excited and run into a very busy street and end up buzzard food.

Then there's me... I have to say that I am very happy here, very different, but very happy. No more drinking every day, no more total peace and quiet, no more lounging naked in the mornings watching ESPN, no more ... well, a lot of things. But all that is besides the point. The point is that I am here... right here... every day, with my wife, with my girls, doing what I should be doing and I am sorry for not being on-line, but I am busy doing the right thing, something that I will do with Tasha for the rest of my life.

Heard you missed me.... I'm Back !!!

Ok, I am back but tonight I am going to relinquish the keyboard to my oldest to tell a story. I apologize for the delay, I have been busy moving back in with Tasha and the girls, so enjoy this.

Ok, never did this before but always wanted to. I have to tell about getting in dad's work truck the other day and he picked up his other cell phone. Dad has two cell phones, a work phone and a CAST phone. CAST is a business I guess but that phone never rings. So dad picked up the CAST phone and said that he wished it would ring. I asked why and he said that if the phone rang he made money. I told him I would call the phone, make some money.

Dad laughed and I don't know why. After all, if all I have to do is call the phone we have a lot of phones to call from. It never rings anyway, we might as well call it and make some money. I don't know the number but if anyone knows CAST please call...

Blogs of old updated

Just a quick update on some old stuff. First is business related, the house is still for sale and have had virtually no bites so I am considering a rental agreement. The boat is still for sale. Getting hot outside, water sports are about to get hot, got a SeeDoo Challenger for sale for $2, 700.

Ok, now to the good stuff. Remember Tasha's neighbors? Dirty yard, loud music, possibly selling dope? I sent the boys over to pay a visit. Dude has been nicknamed yuck-mouth... cause he don't brush (and obviously doesn't have a dental plan). He had a little sack on him, some pipes and shit, not a big deal really. Yuck-mouth agreed to do some work for us to "clean up the community". That's funny. He was told he could start by cleaning up his yard. Can't believe he never called back.

Keeping with the neighbors, they have yet a new set of dogs. Can you skin and cook a dog on the stove? I have never noticed a grill or fire pit so if they are eating the dogs it would have to be inside the house. Dog chili? Mutt soup? How does one learn how to cook dog? Maybe they have an underground dog recycling station, just trade used dogs to friends or something. Actually, I think I am right from the first blog about the dogs. They just get pissed off and leave and a new pack of roaming mutts moves in for a while.

Of course, we come back to Tuke. At this point I can't get rid of him, hell I wouldn't have anything to blog about. But check this out. I am laying on the couch checking out Howie and Deal or no Deal. Tuke climbed up on the window sill to smell the pollen and have the breeze in his face and then he decided to lay down. So he walks a circle or two on my chest and decides to lay down. He doesn't lay down like you might expect a cat to lay down. He lays down on his back with his ass and nuts an inch from my chin. It was like he paid me $20 for a blow job and was waiting for me handle business.

Besides that we have scheduled a double-header softball tourny with new opponents. New opponents is good, playing softball may not be the best of ideas. Another good cause, another day of exercise and probably another day of embarrassment. Gluttons for punishment I guess. At least the cat won't have his package in my face during the game.

Tuke surprises me again

I got released from court today and planned to wet a line for a little while. I pulled up to the house, jumped out of the truck, ran inside to grab and few things and planned on running back into town to pick up a glove for my daughter before heading to the lake.

And I did. I got back in the truck and was heading back into town, about a mile down the road, listening to the radio, watching the road, thinking about what I needed to do, when all of a sudden Tuke jumps from the back seat onto my arm on the center console.

He scared the shit out of me. Hard to imagine, but when you are in a vehicle and supposed to be alone, you don't expect anything to jump out of the back seat and onto your arm. But he did and we managed not to wreck and then he assumed the personality of a dog.

He stood in my lap, placed his paws on top of the door panel near the window and held his head near the open window like a lap dog. I let him do it, not too often you see that. Then a semi drove by jake-braking, which scared the shit out of Tuke and nearly cost me a testicle. So I got the glove and took Tuke back home. At least I know he is good to travel, just not in my lap.

Got spanked?

Have you ever entered a sporting event so confident that you dusted the trophy shelf for the upcoming addition, only to get your ass whipped like Rodney King? Happened to me, just the other day. And oh what a miserable feeling it is.

Some of you may recall me talking about having the rare opportunity to actually play softball, despite being at a ball field more often than not to cheer and watch. We had our game, a benefit game to raise money, and boy did we feel good coming into that day. Then we all showed up.

The other team's coach Sam (a.k.a. The Lieing Ass Coach) said the only way we lose is if we get lost going to the field. They showed up with three players not on the roster. Guess what? They all played in college or semi-pro. Ok, they have a strong team.

Problemo numero dos... we have two players that signed up to play, acted as though they had some experience (but couldn't make a single practice do to work schedules) and, wouldn't you know it... didn't have a glove or a bat, couldn't catch or hit and one couldn't even thrown from home to the pitcher.

To make matters worse everyone else forgot how to catch, our "big bats" didn't show up and our only highlight was being allowed to leave before anyone noticed that we were missing. I have found satisfaction in knowing that it was a benefit game, not the World Series, and I almost tied the home-run derby. Otherwise it sucked.

I think I should live my softball life vicariously through my daughters. That or learn to accept defeat more graciously.