Lawn mower man

I got ribbed over this incident for months, it even made State news for a few days and I didn't think I would ever live it down.

Early in my illustrious career I got dispatched to an accident. Someone on a riding lawn mower had hit a vehicle on a residential street. What? How does that happen? I arrived and saw that a guy was actually mowing the yard when he drove straight off the curb and into the street, where he T-boned a passing car. It didn't take long for me to figure out what happened, the son of a bitch was drunk and forgot to turn or forgot to hit the brake. So he mowed over the curb and hit the only car that would have been passing by that hour. What are the chances?

Anyway, he is obviously drunk and I asked how much he had been drinking and he denies it but admits to rinsing his mouth with an alcohol-based mouth wash. His alibi was weak and when his wife arrived home she laughed and said he had been drinking all day.

I am not opposed to drinking and mowing, I do it myself almost every time I mow. I get on the mower, it's 102 with 80% humidity outside, it's a big ass yard, I want to drink a beer. I think someone with John Deere needs to get on the ball to be honest with you. If I worked there we would all have a riding mower with a built in cooler, ashtray and cup holder that would accommodate a bottle or can. I could have revolutionized the mowing industry.

Anyway, back to the story... he's drunk and a report has to be made so the victim can get his car fixed. The report specifically asks if alcohol is a factor and if so, how intoxicated was the driver. He wasn't driving a car but the report asks questions I have to be able to answer. I called the shift supervisor, explained the scenario and it was decided to take him for a breath test and if he registered high to charge him DWI. Hey, what other choice did I have?

So I end up charging a guy DWI for mowing while intoxicated. I didn't have him held in jail or post a bond or anything stupid, but it was a matter of public record that this guy hit a car while his drunk ass was trying to mow the yard. Luckily it worked out for him in court and eventually my co-workers forgot about it and left me alone.