Um, yeah I got a roach

Another patrol story that I wasn't even involved with but is absolutely horrific. I came in one morning for day shift. Day shift shows up about 4:30 a.m. (which is bullshit) and we are getting briefed on what happened the night before. So Sarge says they got a 9-1-1 call to one of the project complexes and a woman had a roach in her ear. I heard, a roach on her ear. Like a marijuana roach, a little weed, cool but who calls 9-1-1 for that and what's the story?

Sarge is looking at me and laughing his ass off as I sit there a bit perplexed, a lot tired and pretty confused. I misunderstood. A woman had a roach, a cockroach IN her ear. I didn't believe it, you can't believe it. How do you lure a roach into your ear?

So he plays the 9-1-1 recording. It's like 3:30 in the morning and at first it's a guy who is drunk off his ass. He calls, dispatch picks up, he is absolutely hysterical and you can barely make out what he is desperately trying to say. He is yelling, slurring, trying unsuccessfully to annunciate ambulance and the only thing that is for sure is that a roach is involved. Dispatch is confused and can't make out what the problem is so he passes the phone.

A very calm woman gets on the phone. She is not at all excited, not hysterical, not drunk, and very deliberate. "Um, yeah I have had this roach up in my ear for about 3 days now". Holy shit!! This woman has had a live cockroach in her ear canal for 3 days!!! No way. Ok, first... how do you tolerate a cockroach in your ear for more than 3 seconds? 3 days? I would have cut my own head off after 30 seconds.

Then I wonder... how do come to have a roach in your ear? They typically run from people, not hide in them. Was it on the pillow and someone turned the lights on? The ear must have been the first, closest, dark place to hide. Maybe it was on the pillow and she rolled over in her sleep really quickly. Hell, I don't know, maybe the roach had an ear wax fetish. Regardless, this woman managed to handle her daily routine for 3 days with a live roach in her ear. UUUUGGGHHHH!

So, if this ever happens to you, you are nasty and you need to clean up. But you can free the roach by spraying water or another liquid solution into your ear to flush out the bug.