Camping, Day 2

I will never tent camp again, so it's time to camp and I am on the prowl for a camper. I have a friend that just bought a used camper, which is "nice" and "clean" and he says, "come get it any time". I am in a bind. Tasha is hell-bent on camping and I am not sleeping in a tent. So I hit up my buddy. "Hell ya, come get it... we'll set it up and everything for you".

That's a friend. So I agree and show up to pick up the camper. No safety chains, no trailer lights, and I have to drag this thing to the lake. I was a nervous wreck. So we go to the lake, find a spot, get it parked, and there's a trick to rig the lights and everything work. So my buddy tells me his wife will "rig" the camper so everything will work. Apparently McGyver set this thing up.

The kids, wife and I show up the next day and there is a conglomeration of redneck bullshit going on that we just could not tolerate. Football string lights? Anyway, we have a camper so lets camp! 86 the lights and the chicken-pattern tablecloth, good to go.

The lights in the camper will not turn on. I have no idea what's wrong. But who cares? We are there to swim, cook, burn wood, have a good time, drink beer, and just sleep in the camper, so I don't care that the lights don't work.

Imagine this... been swimming all day, eating, drinking, tending to a fire, playing dominoes, and at the end of the day we are VERY tired, I am full of beer, and it's time for bed. So we go to the camper (the camper with no lights). Everyone settles in, the kids are asleep and it's our turn. Tasha lays down, everything is cool, then I lay down. The bed collapses and is laying at a 45 degree angle. I stumbled around for several minutes trying to fix it, but I can't see, and had a few too many beers, so I decide to sleep that way.

3am... I have to piss. HAVE to piss, not in a minute or two, I have to go. I go to the door and there is no door knob on the inside. Can you believe that? I push on the door, no results. I bang on the door, push forcefully at the knob, I am still locked in. I am kicking the door like I am serving a search warrant, bent it all to hell, and the kids are sitting straight up crying wondering who is trying to get into the camper when I am actually trying to escape. The door finally gave and I made two steps into the camp area before I was peeing.

The kids settled down, went to sleep, I finished peeing and on to the next day. New rules are... have everything in the camper and in order before dark and have a light handy, oh and don't close the door all the way. But we did. The next day, just before dark, we are in the camper and someone (probably me) closed the door. I pushed, I pryed, I kicked the shit out of it and eventually realized an escape hatch in one of the front windows. So I kick out one of the kids and she freed us from the camper.

The next time I camp I will have a camper, my own camper, with lights, a level bed and a door I can open.